In addition to the video, I wanted to add that I have a new diagnosis from Bipolar I Disorder to Bipolar I Disorder, In Full Remission. While I had known I was stable for the past two years, it was great to actually see on a piece of paper my new diagnosis by a psychiatrist. It gave me a renewed sense of hope.

I hope this video can help some of you struggling with mental illness, or if you know of people struggling with mental illness.

My supervisor has been wonderful and even asked me questions about my struggle with bipolar disorder in our meetings so she can get to know me better, not only as a counselor, but also has one that has struggled with mental illness. She does not judge me or think that I am not fit to be a mental health counselor. I used to be afraid of disclosing my diagnosis once I entered graduate school to become a therapist, because I thought people might not let me continue in the program. I just sent her my video that I posted on youtube regarding my story with bipolar disorder, so she may watch it, as I’ve alluded to the video a few times in our discussions. I look forward to talking with her throughout my time at my internship…especially if I get overwhelmed and feel like I am about to become depressed or something.

I hope to update this more now, but I do realize my last blog was in November 2011!

Last week I broke down and cried during breakfast because I was so stressed out about one of my classes. I always pride myself in being the leader of a group project, or at least pulling my own weight, and this time, I thought I wasn’t pulling my own weight. I just do not have a lot of time, working full time and taking three classes. The last two weeks I’ve taken one day off and done homework those days, but I still felt a big weight and felt like I couldn’t complete what I needed to. Thankfully, B has been very supportive, and she helps me feel better just by being there, hugging me, and telling me it will be okay. I value that so much, and I am so grateful for her to be in my life. We’re actually both giving blood this afternoon and then going out to a restaurant to celebrate our 1 year 11 month anniversary. I have a gift card for the place, so I’m really excited

I’m in a better mood, and a better place, as I was able to summarize two articles yesterday and today, and I started drafting an outline for my paper. I also thought of a counseling theory to use with our group. We are researching adults with intellectual disabilities, and we’ve decided on using person centered therapy to help when we conduct our support groups and help them increase their levels of self-determination. I really think it will go well. Who knows…there is still a lot left to do, but I think we can manage.

At the meeting last night, I shared my battle with bipolar disorder, and it was received very well. I am glad that my counseling program is so open and receptive to my struggle with mental illness. Other people shared about how their families have had issues with mental illness as well. I’m really excited about the prospect of this group. It’s a national organization (with some chapters in Canada), so it’s great to be a part of a growing movement.

Thanks, B, for finding this article.

There was a time in my life, before my diagnosis with Bipolar Disorder, that I wrote a lot more. I also used to write poetry, way back when. Unfortunately, I don’t have any of that anymore, because when I was manic once, I trashed my room making my famous “scrapbook” and somehow all of the poetry is gone. I guess I either threw it out or tore it up in my manic-induced haze. Who knows. Oh well.

B gave me a journal for Christmas, I believe, or maybe a birthday, and I wrote in it a few times, but have since stopped writing. I’d like to write little things, even if it’s not a lot, of moments that I cherish with her. For example, we were discussing children’s names the other day, and I need to actually sit down and write it out. Or other things that I want to remember about us when I’m older. It’s like writing my autobiography. It was originally for a class assignment, but I’d love to keep it up as things progress in life so I can have this comprehensive piece of work later on. I think our children might enjoy reading it thirty or forty years from now!

B and I moved into our new apartment almost a month ago, and it’s wonderful! It has a dog park so Snoopy has made a lot of friends, and we’ve made a few friends with dog owners, too. We’re going bowling with three of them tonight, so I’m excited about that!

One crazy thing about move, is that our old roommate, Jack, has continued to be a pain at times. He deducted $12 from what he owed me for a power bill, saying that since I accidentally donated his wireless card when I recycled my desktop computer. It’s a long backstory, but I didn’t even remember his card was in there, we hadn’t been talking in three months, so he should have told me to get it out before I donated the computer. Anyway, B was pissed, and so was I. He owes me money for a bill, and he can argue later about whether or not I owe him $12 or what. It’s partly his fault too! Anyway, thankfully I had to write him one last check because of another issue, and I deducted $12 from that, so we’re even. Ridiculous!

I got published in late July! The article is in a pdf format, so I can’t link it here, but if anyone wants to read it, comment and I’ll send it via email. It’s titled “Sexual orientation change efforts: are we doing enough for our LGBT Youth?” I wrote it with two other members of the Association of LGBT Issues in Counseling task force. I am soo excited about it!!

Work is about to start getting super busy, and I’ve decided to take three classes for grad school, so I’ll be working full time and a student full-time. I hope it’s not too crazy. Regardless, I have B, who is a wonderful support system, and I’ve been stable for a while, on good medication, so hopefully I won’t have a depressive episode. Fingers crossed!

Take care,

Jess

My next book is to start reading the It Gets Better Project. I also need to finish When Rabbit Howls. I promised E a reading response, so I’m going to get through it and write it soon! I can’t wait to read for pleasure.

As evidenced by my last post , I decided to show my face in my video on Hope and Bipolar Disoder. My dad mentioned that it seems like it’s cathartic for me, and I do believe it is. I’m struggled/thought about showing my face for a few months, and I’ve decided to go ahead and do it; this is extremely important to me, and it’s time to reduce stigma!

Enjoy!

Jess

I feel like summer school is insane. I’ve already had one midterm and I have another one next week. For said midterm, I am four chapters behind in my reading (lovely) and we have to watch weekly videos (3 this time) and one is an hour long; there will be questions on the midterm from these videos. Gah!

However, I was excited that I’m doing so well in my Ethics class. My professor gave me the “award winning, exemplary” discussion post for week one, so I’m especially proud since it wasn’t a “well this person hasn’t gotten one yet, so I’ll give it to her” type of thing.

My Lifespan Development class is my “in person” class, and it is going well, I think. My professor called me out in front of everyone about “dominating the class discussion” and how he gives out “quotas” to ban me from talking again in the class. I’m not sure if he was serious or not; I’m going to email him. I thought I asked good questions, but “dominating” is bad; even though I think it’s good that I’m participating, but we’ll see. I’m a little nervous!

Snoopy is doing wonderfully! We are having our condo shown by our realtor because since we’re moving out, a stipulation in our lease is that they can show it to potential renters throughout the 60 day notice period we gave. So Snoopy is in her crate while B and I are at work, and apparently all she does is bang her tail against the crate (from wagging) but doesn’t whimper or bark at all when they go into our bedroom and don’t let her out. I’m such a proud Mommy!

I’ve disclosed my BP to two professors already in the context of the class. For my midterm in Lifespan, we discussed whether or not “nature or nuture has influenced our development the most” My answer was both, because I discuss my genetic predisposition to BP, but also cite the environment of my trigger of stress in high school. So there you have it. He knows I’m BP, so hopefully that isn’t a problem. My Ethics professor now knows I’m BP and lesbian! I think she’s liberal enough for that to not be a problem, and the counseling profession is HUGE about diversity and not letting personal biases affect counseling (or teaching, I imagine). So it will be interesting to see their reactions!